Know what you never hear anyone say? “Santa’s got a brand new bag.” Know why? Because when your bag is perfect, there’s no reason to replace it.
That and he’s too busy getting his groove back
See, one of Santa’s job priorities is toting an insane amount of stuff from a remote, freezing cold location to, well, everywhere. And to do that you need a big bag. In fact, you need the biggest bag.
Not big enough!
That’s why Santa found this fancy new sack that is just as big as it needs to be. Take something out? It gets smaller. Put something in? It gets bigger. It’s like somebody’s stomach but both less tasty and less gross.
Worst. Christmas gift. Ever.
And as far as I can tell, that sums it up. If your’e interested in purchasing your own Santa bag, go out and kill the current Santa.
” I LOVE mine!”
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