Well I come to you, loyal graph readers, with a heavy heart today after the NHL brutally crushed its own season today. While some people may think that what is to follow should be a sad, depressing graph detailing how un-Christmasy the sport of hockey is for spreading anti-cheer, those people would be wrong. The people who predicted it would lead to poor syntax and run-on sentences however were dead right.
Today’s graph takes look at one of my favorite casual dinner topics: political correctness (because it combines politics AND religion). No doubt you have heard about how everything these days must be called “Holiday ______” instead of “Christmas _________.” What’s the problem? Well, quite frankly, holiday cheer is simply not specific enough. Scaring children is mean for eleven months, but in October it’s just spreading “Halloween Cheer.”
Plus there are way too many holidays to count. I meant there has to be at least eleven. Take Arbor Day for example. Ever heard an Arbor Day song? No. Ever go out to enjoy all the Arbor Day decorations downtown? No. Ever think about trees in conjunction with Arbor Day? Well, yeah actually. But 1/3 is hardly enough to pass.
Chritmas, though, has trees, songs, AND decorations. It’s the big shebang and that’s what makes it worthwhile to spread cheer for it. Not only does it have all of those things, it also takes place right next to the winter solstice, which means all that cheer makes for ultra-effective naps. And our expert says it’s the best time of year for naps.
So there you have it. Stop spreading androgynous holiday cheer, and start spreading highly specific cheer for all holidays. Mostly so I can see some daily Kwanza graphs.