Spook 13 — Sea Monsters

Strap yourselves in everyone, this one could be a doosie. I only say that because I actually did research before this one. And for good reason, because the original plan of: Creature from the Black Lagoon just wasn’t going to work out.

 

“Boo! …Yeah that’s all i got.”

 

Here’s a recap of the Creature. Man uncovers prehistoric beast. Prehistoric beast kills man. Team of scientists and inexplicable tag-along hot girl go to research prehistoric beast. Beast kills most of scientists. People try to kill beast, leave the Amazon forever, paving the path for Ice Cube and a Jon Voight with an accent from… well no one really knows.
Recap finished.

 

Now for some other monsters. We’ll start in the beginning with the Leviathan. What’s the Leviathan you ask? It’s a huge sea serpent that God made way back in the day. After making it though God came to his senses (likely because he saw Anaconda) and decided giant snakes were just plain no good. However, for reasons unbeknownst to us common men, he opted to only kill the female leviathan and to spay the male one, because hey–why not leave a murderous giant sea snake out chilling in the ocean?

 

Though it keeps the great old one from getting bored

 

Next up, the kraken. Undeniably the funniest named of the legendary sea monster, this hundred foot octopus would drag down ships to the watery depths because it felt the real ocean should be decorated much like a fish tank. Famous for its appearances in movies like Pirates of the Caribbean, it turns out this thing might be more real than we thought. And I’m not talking about giant squid. I’m talking about these colossal icthyosaur-eating squid from 200 million years ago that never really died but were just transplanted into your nightmares.

 

 

The worst is when you’re falling and can see the kraken at the bottom

 

We’ll rapid-fire a few of them now to keep this thing brief. What else have we got? Let’s see…

  • Mermaids, or the monster whose power is to elicit impossible sexual fantasies
  • Charybdis, whose special power is to be hundred foot wide toilet
  • The sirens, better known to modern man as Carly Rae Jepsen (seriously, it gets stuck in your head and its all downhill)
  • The Loch Ness monster, whose power is being camera shy

The good thing about all of this though is that none of them are real, so sleep soundly and watch out for these real fish next time you hit the waves.

 

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