I’ve never been one to cast stones or lots, but I think that people may have missed the target with their praise for the writers of Christmas Carols. After all, they may be great and fun and spread Christmas cheer, but what about the consequences of those carols?
This comic highlights one of those. Also, in case you’re me in the future, here’s a picture of Parson Brown to sate your curiosity about who that guy even is.
Ok, so there’s one carol dispelled, but what about the others? Well, lucky reader, I’ve decided that I’m going to dispel some of those questions right now. …And go.
1- Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer: Everyone used to make fun of this little bioluminescent freak but then it turned out he was the next step in evolution. Then what? Then he became the next big thing (in a societal as well as cladistic sense). It’s all sugarplums and oppressed elves from there right? Wrong. Enter: Rudolph’s descent into a terrible tool. With his new found confidence, Rudolph goes from the lovable loser to the awful guy hitting on your girlfriend at a bar.
2- Good King Wenceslas– So this song is one of those songs everyone has heard of but doesn’t know the lyrics to. So does it come as a surprise that this line is contained in the song:
“Bring me flesh, and bring me wine.
Bring me pine logs hither. ”
Suddenly sounds a lot less friendly, huh? I’ll let you decide what the rest of the song relates to, but let’s just say that Good King Wenceslas is not your normal king.
3- So in “Do You Hear What I Hear?” they talk about how there is a star bobbing in the sky with a bright tail. Some people might go the obvious route with this joke and make a “meteor that killed the dinosaurs joke,” but I am not your average writer. I’m going to go with the less used and under appreciated probe droid from The Empire Strikes Back joke. But this isn’t just any probe droid. It’s a Christmas probe droid.